Drabble Song Challenges
by Monnie32
Summary: A bunch of drabbles prompted by songs, CM, M/G pairing
1. Chapter 1

This is my first drabble, please be gentle

It is M/G Prompted by these lyrics:

I said maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all

You're my Wonderwall

He did it again. He fought with her over Morgan and stormed out. She swore the last time that he did this she would leave him and he showed up, flowers in hand after an equally awkward moment in her apartment with Morgan and a towel, so she just ran with it. It was easier than facing the obvious. They had agreed to standing dates every Tuesday and the first few worked out and it just so happened that this particular Tuesday was also Valentine's Day, a time for lovers and where was she? On her sofa eating ice cream and crying. Pathetic!

First he forgot Valentine's day, she wasn't sure how he did that, it was broadcast everywhere, TV, radio, billboards and yet, he forgot. He went out with his friend because he figured she was still at work while she rushed home and cleaned up and even put on some sexy lingerie she had bought special for the occasion, it was black lace with little red hearts and now it lay in a pile on the living room floor with her smoking hot red dress and black shoes. What a waste of money!

When he finally got home, he was ignorant and moody and started assuming more was going on because she was all dressed up and he had seen Morgan and Reid and Prentiss all heading into the bar. She tried to explain to him she had done it all for him, something special just for him, but he didn't want to hear it. She ran to the bathroom crying and he stormed off.

As soon as he left she called her hero, the one who always saved her...her Noir hero. He was the one constant in her life, he was there when she called, no questions asked and he did not ever ask for anything in return. They had a special relationship, a special bond.

There was a knock at the door and then she heard the key turn in the lock, she didn't move off the sofa. She was numb. He came over and turned on a light and pulled her into his arms, she looked like a wreck, her mascara was running down her face, her lipstick was smeared, he grabbed a warm cloth and washed off her face.

He pulled her in beside him on the sofa and covered her up and put on an old movie. He felt so comfortable with him, like no one else, the others did not comfort her like he could, she was good friends with JJ and Reid, but they didn't curl up on her couch with her, just him. He was special, he meant the world to her. She just wished they could take that next step, to an actual relationship, now she would have to settle for what she had, a wonderful best friend who was definitely her Wonderwall.


	2. Chapter 2

Warning, this is very angst, but the song is sad so it is hard to write happy thoughts about it.

BRICK - BEN FOLDS 5

The world is sleeping  
>I am numb<br>Up the stairs to her apartment  
>She is balled up on the couch<br>Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte  
>they're not home to find us out<br>And we drive  
>Now that I have found someone<br>I'm feeling more alone  
>Than I ever have before her upset<br>She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

She had been crying again, it had been commonplace these days. He made her cry more often than not and she was numb. Numb to emotions. Numb to the outside world. She spent most nights balled up on the couch crying while the world was sleeping. She had to do it in silence. Misery may have loved company, but not when you are keeping the world's biggest secret. Unhappiness!

She put up with most of it so she didn't have to be alone. She liked to be a +1 even if it meant she had to paint on a happy face each day, but it was getting harder and harder, her nice solid brick was crumbling and she was drowning in her own fear...slowly but surely.

The only thing that kept her head above water was him, her most beautiful Derek Morgan, her Adonis, hotter than hot and brimming with sweet sex, he was what kept her heart beating and her lungs from filling with water and drowning her. He was her best friend but even he couldn't fix this, could he?

He was always there for her, no matter what, but she could not bear to tell him, it was not fair for him to put his life on hold to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. Even thouugh he would do that if she asked.

He comes home, sees her crying on the couch and goes directly to the bedroom, he did that regularly, ignored her, he got what he wanted, control and Morgan out of her life. Hope he is happy!

She wished daily she could have her time back, blow Battle off like she originally thought about and accept the date with Morgan, if she would have done that, what would have changed? Well she wouldn't have been suspended so they would not have needed Kevin Lynch to investigate her, it was all dominoed off that one incident. Indirectly the bullet was to blame, it ripped through her much like her life was now.

She thought long and hard about calling Morgan, admitting to him that she needed to be saved, rescued and let him be her someone, but she was sure he didn't want that, who would with her, she was such a wreck, broken and crumbled brick drowning out her last breaths. At one point she would have thought she was worth more, but not now. He perfect facade was breaking down the damn and it was only a matter of time before it drown them all.


	3. Chapter 3

He will do one of two things  
>He'll admit to everything<br>Or he'll say he's just not the same  
>And you'll begin to wonder why you came<p>

~Feb 18th: How To Save A Life - the Fray

Her head was spinning, she hated feeling like this. It was getting harder and harder to deal with the slightest presence of Derek Morgan. The little things, even his lingering scent drove her crazy after a few days. He would walk into her office and she could still smell him for days after, it was not that he wore an immense amount of cologne, no, it was just his normal intoxicating scent.

When they were away on cases it was a bit easier, but it wasn't. She got to talk to him on the phone, flirt and tease him and he couldn't really tell how rallied up it actually got her, unlike when he was there, he could see her flushed face, her dropping things trying to hide and other cues that the newest of profilers could pick up on. Why hadn't he picked up on it, or did he just not think of her that way? Yea, that had to be it.

She thought long and hard about telling him the truth, she worried it would wreck what they had and she didn't want to do that, she would rather live the rest of her life as a friend, no a best friend, than the rest of her life without him plus a failed relationship to boot.

Seven long years was a lot of time to lust after someone, seven long lonely years. He had people come and go, but really that's all they did. She had a few bad dates and a failed relationship, but everyone had some baggage, right?

After an increasingly hard case, one that she couldn't get out of her head, she called him, she needed him, he was her rock. She was heading to his place. He got her through the hard times, much like she did him, upon dialling the phone, she decided that it was time, she was sick of waiting, sick of not knowing. Worse case, he would do one of two things; he will admit to everything, say he feels the same way I do, or he will say he is just not the same, not worth being loved or loving. Worse case it would leave her feeling that she should have never came.

She knocked on the door and started the conversation right away, she didn't want to chicken out like she had so many times before. He looked at her intently, he smiled as she talked, not really saying anything, nodding and agreeing to all she had to say, when she was done talking, he took her into his arms, held her tight and kissed her forehead. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear.

"You know I love you too, and I always have."

It sent shivers down her spine. They spent the rest of the night admitting to everything and using that as the basis for their new found relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

Drabble Song challenge Feb 19, 2012  
>For All These Times Kid, For All These Times - Lostprophets<br>For all these times that we walked away  
>For all these times that I heard you say<br>Give me something to believe in  
>Give me someone to believe in<br>For all these times and it starts today

She did it again, without even knowing it. She had that kind of effect on me. Only had to be there and my heart skipped a beat. Each time I forced the thoughts out of my head and walked away. I've told her I love her, nearly every day, and it has never been a lie.

I do love her. I'm just not comfortable with her knowing how much I love her and what kind of love it is.

The tear your clothes off and make mad passionate love kind of love. Not the I love you like a sister kind of love. I would get arrested having those kinds of thoughts about my sisters.

I could tell you every time Penelope has said she loved me- right down to the date and time. I run them through my head over and over when I am lonely. They give me something to believe in, make me want to go on.

My phone rings. Seeing that it is her, I compose myself before answering. "Hey, baby girl, what have you got for me?" I am glad she can't see me through the phone because I am grinning ear to ear.

"For you, handsome, the world," she chimes into the phone. "I am still working on it, just wanted to hear your voice."

"I am glad you called," I say and boy was I ever. "Hey, can we talk when I get back?" It is out of my mouth before I can change my mind.

"Sure thing, handsome, what's on your mind?"

"We will talk when I get back."

"I look forward to it."

She has always given me something to believe in, and for all those times, it starts today.

She is waiting for me when the elevator opens. There is a huge rush of emotions. I regret telling her I want to talk. What if it makes our relationship worse? I try to think of an excuse but nothing comes to mind.

"Did you want to talk here or at your place?" she asks.

"My place, can you give me 10?" I need air or something.

"Sure thing. I will meet you there in 20."

She is so considerate and kind and why was I worried again? She shows up and walks in and sits on the sofa. I don't know how to start the conversation- so I don't. I just lean in and kiss her and see where it takes us. She kisses me back with fervor.

"It's about time, Hot stuff," she purrs, kissing me again.

"What do you mean?"

"Finally, you are giving me something to believe in."

She kisses me back and we cuddle on the sofa till morning. I have never been happier.


	5. Chapter 5

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road  
>Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go<br>So make the best of this test and don't ask why  
>It's not a question but a lesson learned in time – Greenday<p>

The time has come in my life, the proverbial fork in the road. On one hand I have Kevin, the goofy tech, on the other hand, sweet and super sexy Derek Morgan. I mean on looks alone Morgan would win hands down, he is a perfect sculpted god, Kevin on the other hand, is pale in comparison, he is messy and sometimes unkempt. Morgan is always dressed to the nines and clean shaven. Why am I dating Kevin again?

I don't even know why I am in this situation, I suppose time has a lot to do with it, I have put in 3 years with Kevin and the only true thing I learned from that chapter of my life is that I am not truly happy. I care for Kevin but I am not sure I love him or that I am in love with him. Even after all this time,he has to work to get me turned on, all I have to do is look at Derek and my heart is racing and my palms sweaty and I would do whatever he asked, if he asked me to do it.

Kevin thinks we should move in together, I'm not sure I want to take that step, that would mean it was going to a new level and I don't want that, not with him, but the one I want it with doesn't seem to want the same things I want, sure he flirts back, but if I actually called him on it, I am sure he would run for the hills. I need to talk this through, I want to talk it over with Morgan, but that would be awkward, but I would value his opinion, so I go for the next best thing, JJ, we have gotten real close over the years too.

"Hey JJ," I say approaching her, "can we talk?"

"Sure Pen, what do you want?"

"Can we go to your office, I would appreciate some privacy." We move things to her office, not many are in the bullpen, it is a quiet day.

"Kevin asked me to move in with him," I blurt out.

JJ is silent. "What?" I ask and turn around to see Derek standing there.

"Um, sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop, just wanted to know if you were still meeting me at the gym, JJ." and he turned and walked away.

"Morgan," I ran after him, "Can we talk?"

"Do you want to rub it in?" He sneered.

"It is not like that at all, I am confused."

"What's to be confused about?"

"My heart and my head don't want the same things."

He perked his brow, "What do you mean?"

"I mean my heart belongs to someone else." He looked at me, I couldn't speak, I could only nod.

"So are you moving in with Kevin?" he asked.

"It depends, what are you doing this weekend?"

"I have a hot date with a blonde bombshell...if she will have me." He smiled.

"Then I guess I am not moving in with Kevin."


	6. Chapter 6

Feb 25th: There's A Fine, Fine Line - Stephanie D'Abruzzo - Avenue Q

Penelope slammed the door to her apartment. _For my own sanity I've gotta close the door and walk away! Standing Tuesday date my ass!_ _If he thinks I am putting up with another lame excuse for him standing me up, he has another thing coming._

Since their fight, they agreed to spend more time together, well the first was fine, after that it kept going down hill, she worked straight through working on a case, but she couldn't help work, it was her job, he should have understood that, he worked there too. The second, he was working, so she went out for drinks with Prentiss and JJ and the guys, that made him mad that she was having fun without him, that brought them to this Tuesday.

He had called and asked to reschedule, something about a computer issue of a friend of his he had to deal with, she was a bit upset but they couldn't reschedule, a new case started in the morning and it could be a 3-day case or a 3-week case, no one really knew.

_I don't have the time to waste on you anymore, you have no clue what you are looking for, you like the idea of having a girlfriend but are not willing to do anything you can to keep her. Were walking a fine, fine line between being together and not. The Tuesday night dates were supposed to fix that, it's what you said you wanted, but not what you got._

She flipped open her phone to send a text, she needed a diversion, '_Morgan, you busy tonight?' _she sent.

Not a minute passed and there was a response,'_Never too busy for you, what's up?'_

_'I'm craving a movie night, whatcha say?'_

_'Um Baby girl, isn't it Tuesday?'_

_'Yes, but please don't remind me! Are you up for it or not?'_

_'I'll be there in 20, need anything?'_

_'Ice cream and Twizzlers.'_

_'Should have known, see you in 20.'_

There was a knock at the door, she answered. "Kevin, I wasn't expecting you."

"It is Tuesday," he stated.

"I'm done!" she said flatly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there is a fine line between what I wanted and what I got, I have had enough,I've tried to make this work, but I am done, I can't make it work anymore."

He stormed off. Morgan was coming up the stairs.

"So, she called you, should have known," Kevin spat.

"Hold up, I am coming to watch a movie, she called me upset."

"It's always been you!" he said and walked away.

Morgan didn't bother knocking, just walked in and held her in his arms, "You ok, baby?"

"I am now," she smiled.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Anything," she admitted.

"I ran into Kevin, what happened?"

"I had enough, he is not what I wanted anymore."

"He said something to me on his way out."

"Please take nothing he says to heart."

"He told me that you have always wanted me," she was speechless, "is it true?"

She could only nod.

He kissed her softly, "It's always been you too."


	7. Chapter 7

Feb 26 – Song Prompt - Blue - One Love

He had finally made the decision, 7-years had been long enough, they flirted, they said "I love you",they did everything but sleep together, well at least in that sense of the word. They had shared a bed, but did nothing more than sleep.

He walked into the BAU and straight to her den.

"Hey sug, what brings you here?" she asked turning around.

"I want to ask you something."

"Sure thing, what's up?"

"I want to talk to you, but I don't know how to go about doing it, I don't want to ruin what we got..."

"What's this about, Derek?"

"Us, this...well us..."

"You aren't making sense," she stated.

"I know you are with Lynch, but I need to talk to you, there is some things I need to say."

"When and where, sugar?" she asked.

"How about 8-pm, the diner on the corner?"

Garcia was wondering what was so important to him that he couldn't come right out and tell her, they had been friends for so long, told each other everything, why would he figure it would ruin their friendship? She left from work and walked over, he was already sitting, drinking a cup of coffee.

"Want something?" he asked hailing the waitress and Garcia gave her order to her.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" she asked.

" I believe, love is all we need," he said quickly.

"Morgan, this is not like you, what is up?" she asked, taking his hand.

"Penelope Garcia, I am in love with you." he finally admitted.

She nearly spit her drink out at him. "You what?" she asked, wondering if she had heard wrong.

"I am in love with you! I am sorry for the timing, I wish I would have told you earlier, I saw how happy you were running off to Kevin and a piece of my heart died, I decided I had to tell you, you deserved to know, I just hope it doesn't ruin our friendship. I need you in my life. You are better than anything I would ever deserve."

She took a deep breath, "Morgan, what the hell took you so long?" She asked, not really expecting an answer. "It won't change anything, sugar, want to know what, I am in love with you too?"

He was taken back. "What does this mean now? What about Lynch?"

"What do you want it to mean?" she asked.

"I want you to be mine, and mine alone." he admitted.

"You do realize that you could have done this how many years ago?"

"I know, and if you will let me I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, what do you say?"

"I say I need to go have a conversation with Kevin, what are you doing later?" she asked.

"I'd say I am going to show my girlfriend how happy I am she picked me."

"I will see you in a few hours." she said squeezing his hand. He just smiled, he couldn't stop smiling.


	8. Chapter 8

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
>When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears<br>And I held your hand through all of these years  
>But you still have all of me<p>

My Immortal – Evanessence

He always sought out Solace in her, he needed her, especially when the cases were exceptionally hard. He hated seeing kids hurt. It had always made his old wounds hurt, brought back old memories and feelings that were better off buried.

She never judged him, not once. He would show up on her doorstep, middle of the night and she would invite him in and ask no questions. She would just wipe away the tears he was crying, tell him things would be alright and lull him to sleep. When he would scream in his sleep and wake up, she would fight away his fears and sit with him until he could sleep again. This had been going on for years.

Once Kevin Lynch came into the picture, he felt guilty asking that much of her, she was the one in a relationship, even though she assured him if he needed her, all he had to do was call. He tried to handle it on his own, but she could tell when he wasn't sleeping and call him on it and chastize him for not calling her.

She had held his hand through the hard times for so long, without it, it just seemed unnatural. When he didn't need her, she felt unwanted, even with Kevin in her life, it was never about him, it had always been about Derek, he would always have her, whenever he needed her.

Derek looked down at his phone, he had it opened it and her number dialled, he wanted to call, but didn't want to bother her either, he was torn. The last case was still playing on his mind and he knew that many a number of sleepless nights without question. He gave in and pushed the call button.

"Hey handsome, what's up?" He sweet voice chimed into the phone.

"Are you busy, babygirl?" He asked.

"Never too busy for you, what do you need?"

"I can't sleep." He admitted.

"Give me 20 and I will be over."

"Thanks." And he hung up, he felt guilty because Lynch was probably there, he wondered if he should call her back and tell her to never mind, it was a Saturday night after all. By the time he had made the decision, there was a knock at his door,

He answered it and let her in. "Have you slept at all since you got back?" She asked.

He shook his head and she took his hand and led him to his bedroom, something she had done countless times before. She pulled down the sheets and tucked him in and crawled in behind him and held him tight.

"It's ok, baby, I'll chase away the badness, just go to sleep, sugar." she said, slightly rocking him to sleep. She soon drifted off too.

In the morning they awoke in the opposite position that they went to sleep. They were facing each other. He opened his eyes to watch her sleep. Why was he such a coward? Why couldn't he admit his feelings? He was so scared to put himself out there, to be hurt more than he already had been hurt, but he knew she was the only one who would ever understand him.


	9. Chapter 9

This is not part of the challenge, but this song was begging to be turned into a fic, seemed very suiting.

This is how the story went  
>I met someone by accident<br>Who blew me away  
>Blew me away<br>And It was in the darkest of my days  
>When you took my sorrow and you took my pain<br>And buried them away, buried them away

I wish I could lay down beside you  
>When the day is done<br>And wake up to your face against the morning sun  
>But like everything I've ever known<br>You'll disappear one day  
>So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away<p>

Adele ~ Hiding My Heart

It seemed that if everything happened for a reason, Derek Morgan had yet to figure out the reason for him meeting Penelope Garcia. Not that he would ever regret it.

Sure, things she did led her to work in the BAU where he had worked, but nothing could have prepared him for their haphazard meeting and what grew from there.

He called her by the wrong name, "Gomez" and quickly corrected it with "Baby Girl", it was the first thing he could think of, and their quirky friendship started there. Countless hours of flirting and innuendo over the years. They met by accident, but now couldn't live without each other.

They weren't dating, not that he didn't want that. She was taken, he missed his chance. He had been hurt and burned so he was careful who he trusted, she was the only one he could see himself spending any lengthy amount of time with. Anyone outside of their circle of friends would surely think they were dating, they had been accused many times before. He held her hand, kissed away her tears and pain and she always had a way of making him feel so much better, and he her. She was his Solace, and he had told her that so many times before and it seemed she needed him too, it was a weird type of give and take.

In the darkest of days, she took away his sorrow and pain and buried them all away and somehow made things better, it was only her that could do that, no one else had that power, no one he had ever met before.

He had tried to put himself out there, but at the time it was too late, she thought it was pity, not sincerity and he couldn't bring himself to do it again. She seemed happy with Kevin Lynch, so he put on his bravest best friend face and pretended to be happy for her. In reality, all the while he was wishing he could lay down beside her when the day was done and wake up to her smiling face against the morning sun, but instead it was only dreams he held in his head because he was still hiding his heart away. He hoped things would change, that she wouldn't disappear, but he couldn't guarantee that, he just wished he had to courage to be honest, to tell her how he felt.


	10. Chapter 10

_You promised and I know that you'll always care  
>Through good times, through bad times you're always there<br>Hold me now, don't ever let me go  
>I'm in love with you but you already know<br>I want this love to last and be forever_

Straight From The Heart - S Club

She felt so goofy, she wanted to believe all he said was true, but how could she? It meant putting herself out there, being both vulnerable and defenceless. Both things she did not enjoy being.

He promised to always take care of her, she knew that wasn't a lie. They had seen both good times and bad, but they always remained friends. Their love was a rock, but it was the friendly kind of love, that was it, friends, they had an amazing friendship, but she longed for more, she always had. Had he?

There were times when the only thing she needed was to be held, and only by that one special person,it was the only thing that helped the nightmares, help make the bad seem not so bad.

That happened in Alaska, she was nearly ready to throw in the towel and run back underground and off the grid. The bad was so overpowering sometimes, so unnatural and unmentionable, it made her shudder. She hated when the darkness threatened to take over. He talked her out of it, he always did. He made her feel like things would be all right, she felt so loved, so needed, that she was cared for. Her Noir Hero, he always did that for her. He promised to be there the rest of her life, but would he actually be? Could she trust that?

To complicate things more, there was Kevin, he was a really nice guy most days, but she was not truly happy, how could she be when half of her heart belonged to someone else, to someone so special, so amazing that he was within reach but far from reach all at the same time. It was not fair to lead Kevin on anymore than she already had.

She was in love with Derek; and she could pinpoint the exact moment when it turned from "school girl crush" to full blown love. It was right after she was shot. He spent so much time with her, helping her, caring for her, protecting her. It was then that her feelings had shifted from crush to full blown love. That was the first time he told her he loved her, too, and she him. At that point, she meant it as much as she did every day in her life. Now their love was implied.

He already knew she cared, everyone did. They saw the reactions that she had when he nearly died on more than one occasion, it broke her up to know he was hurt and could have died. His reaction was no different when she was shot, no one could miss the pain in his eyes when he saw her in that hospital bed.

They had a special kind of love, one that would last forever, it was straight from their hearts.


	11. Chapter 11

I will go down with this ship  
>And I won't but my hands up and surrender<br>There will be no white flag above my door  
>I'm in love and always will be<p>

~ White Flags – Dido

_Dearest Derek,_

You have my heart, I have decided that long ago but I cannot possibly hide it anymore, it is becoming impossible and I am tired of hiding it. If you were to die tomorrow, I would die to, I am sure. Not in body, but my heart would never recover. I am not sure if I would ever love again. I would go down with this ship, die without our relationship. I surrendered to you long ago. You are the only person who I have ever felt this way about. I surrender to you wholly, mind, body and soul but I am not giving in, I will not wear the white flag.

I am willing to put myself out there, raw to the core and take that risk on you, not even truly knowing what to expect. I have been hurt, been burned, lived to tell about it and I am stronger for it. Through it all, you are my one constant, my rock and I have heard you claim something similar of me. I am you Solace, you decided that long ago too. We need each other, complete each other. I am the ying, you are the yang.

I know if I asked you for anything, no matter what, you would be there, helping me in any way you could. You have always been like that with me I saw that when I was shot, you protected me, comforted me and loved me. I would have never made it through that ordeal without you. It still haunts me sometimes, and when it does, you still get me through it. My Noir Hero, forever and always.

When I watched the man die in Alaska and was ready to toss everything in, you showed me there was still good in people and in me. Made me see the beauty in the simplest things and when the darkness tries to take over, you always help me find the light. Bring me home when I am lost, which happens more times than not in this job.

When my friend went missing, you got me through it, made sure I didn't lose my faith and kept me focused, even when I thought I would lose it for sure. I was strong enough to confront him and help save her, you helped me with that and I am stronger for it.

When Kevin left me, you were there. You helped me to realize that a life with him was not what I wanted, it would never be enough. I am glad I realized that before I had too much invested. If I am to be married, I could only really see myself with you, it has always been you, now, before, forever.

Some-days I try to be content with what we have, our friendship, but some days it is hard when I long for so much more. I am uncertain of what you want and find this the easiest way to ask.

I'm in love and always will be.

_Penelope_


	12. Chapter 12

Nobody's there when you get home  
>Your renting movies on your own<br>My photo's on your bedroom wall  
>You sit there waiting for my call<br>And I know I leave you on your own  
>And I need you to be strong<br>when I'm walking away  
>And I I hate to say goodbye<br>it gets harder every time  
>what I feel you feel inside<br>when the day turns into night

_~Busted -When days turns into night _

_Penelope_

It's the same thing every day, nobody's there when you get home, such is the life of loneliness. They think I am such a catch, they are far off the mark, if that were true, why am I still alone? I am afraid to get hurt, it's hard to admit. I would love company, but not always easy to put yourself out there and risk being hurt more.

Now I rent movies on my own and watch them just as alone. I know what I want, it's plastered all over my house, photos of you keep me sane, I have them everywhere even my bedroom walls.

I know if I called you would come, but it's not fair to you, you deserve so much better than that but I know you are sitting there just waiting for my call and I hate that I can do that to you.

I want to give you space, and leave you on your own, I don't want to sway your decision by seeming needy. I need you to be strong, because I am not sure I can be. I need you in my life , to need me, to want me and to love me, but it is not fair of me to ask that of you. Instead I just walk away, don't know how to deal with my feelings, that has always been a problem for me. Love is a new one, I am not used to it, I am more used to pain and torture, love is foreign.

I hate to say goodbye, but I have to. I love you so much it is getting dangerous. Leaving you gets harder every time, but you have Kevin and I should be a good friend and let you be happy. You seem happy, I hope you are.

I feel such love for you but it must remain unkind led out of fairness, fairness to you. I am good at hiding my feelings, been doing it for years. I will just shove them back in the dark closet where I keep them. Only letting them out to play once in a while, but even that is getting harder to do. I don't want to put them back, I don't want to lose you.

I'm worried if I let completely go that I will slip into the abyss that occurs when day turns to night, when the nightmares come out to play, when I wake up in a cold sweat screaming because it all seems so real. Reliving the horror in my life in real time.

Remember, silly girl that I do indeed love you.

_Derek_


	13. Chapter 13

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
>Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time<br>And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts  
>I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out<p>

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
>With a broken heart that's still beating<br>In the pain there is healing  
>In your name I find meaning<p>

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
>I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead<br>And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
>That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life<p>

_~Lifehouse – Broken_

_Penelope,_

My life is so broken, I'm so alone and lonely all at the same time and mostly by choice, if I let no one in, it won't break me more than I already am. The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight, right now, that is all I am worth.

Thoughts of you constantly fill my head, I can't stop them, I have tried relentlessly, maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time, but then what would there be to think about? The hurt and pain I see at work, the scenes that come home with me every time and you help me to chase them away. I need you, you are my solace, I would not be able to do my job as well as I do, without you.

I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts, you deserve so much better. I am damaged at best, like you've already figured it out, but you still come around, still want my friendship...maybe more. I think you deserve so much more, better than me. I don't deserve you, you are too good for me.

You are my solace, without you I would fall into the darkness and it would consume me. I need you as much as you need me. When you got shot, I was falling apart, barely breathing, I couldn't lose you. I watched you fall into a relationship with Lynch and it gave me a broken heart, it was still beating, but broken no less. You deserved to be happy. In the pain there is healing, I will get better for me I suppose, it should with time, but in your name I find meaning, it still brings a smile to my face, probably always will.

I let you in, the broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head, you are all I think about. I have tried distractions, but even they don't work anymore. I tried my best to be guarded but with you I am an open book instead, I am prepared to tell you everything and that scares me to death.

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes, you are so perfect and pure, just looking for purpose and life. I like to believe I could give that to you, but I am unable to promise you that. I can promise you that I love you, like no other and hope that it will be enough for you to take a chance on me.

_Derek_


	14. Chapter 14

I can be tough  
>I can be strong<br>But with you  
>It's not like that at all<br>There's a girl  
>That gives a shit<br>Behind this wall  
>You just walked through it<br>And I remember all those crazy things you said  
>You left them running through my head<br>You're always there, you're everywhere  
>But right now I wish you were here.<br>All those crazy things we did  
>Didn't think about it, just went with it<br>You're always there, you're everywhere  
>But right now I wish you were here<p>

_~Avril Lavigne – Wish You Were Here_

_I can be tough, I can be strong  
>But with you, It's not like that at all<em>

You found a way to pierce my hard exterior, it was something I used to pride myself on having, hiding behind it all, only showing parts of the real me, but with you, it's not like that at all.

You are the only person I have ever truly trusted, you know things about me even my mom doesn't know and she is the only other person I trust in this world. You have seen a different side of me, noticed things no one else ever did.

_There's a girl That gives a shit  
>Behind this wall You just walked through it<em>

You are the only one who truly cares about me unconditionally, in-spite of my flaws, I saw that the day I drove the ambulance and nearly killed myself, that moment I was glad I didn't. That situation showed me a lot, how much you really cared. You walked straight through the wall I had up for all these years.

_And I remember all those crazy things you said  
>You left them running through my head<em>

And when things get to be too much, I relive all the flirty conversations we had ever had and it gets me through, without them, without you, I am not sure I would survive. I am sure there comes a point in this job where if left to do it, this job will consume you, eat you up and swallow it whole. Gideon was a prime example, it consumed him, took over his life until there was nothing left. Elle was another example, it consumed her and she got reckless. I also think it is fair to say it will take Emily next. I am surprised it hasn't yet, after all she had been through, I'm not sure I would have been able to return, not without a solace.

_You're always there, you're everywhere  
>But right now I wish you were here<em>.

I know you are only ever just a phone call away, but sometimes, like right now, I need more. I need to see you, feel you, smell you, taste you...I wish you were here...

_All those crazy things we did  
>Didn't think about it, just went with it<em>

You are so adventurous...as am I, but in a totally different way...you just do and love with your whole heart. You love each and every one of us in our own way. You go out of your way to help us and support us...a friend to both Emily and JJ, a big sister to Reid, a little sister to Hotch, a daughter figure to Rossi and a friend and lover to me. You don't think about it, you don't have to, you just go with it.

_You're always there, you're everywhere  
>But right now I wish you were here <em>

I don't notice it as much with the short cases, but the long ones, the ones that keep me away for longer, the cases that I want to erase from my memory. I want to replace them with you, my sweet memories of you...you are always there, on my mind...everywhere, but the time apart I certainly wish you were here for no one else, but for me. Thinking about you, my love for you is the only way I get through it.


	15. Chapter 15

Since the moment I spotted you,  
>Like walking around with little wings on my shoes,<br>My stomach's filled with the butterflies,  
>Ooh, and it's all right,<br>Bouncing round from cloud to cloud,  
>I'd got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down,<br>If I'd said I didn't like it then you'd know I lied,  
>Everytime I try to talk to you,<br>I get tongue-tied,  
>It turns out that everything I say to you,<br>Comes out wrong and never comes out right.

_~Santana & Chad Kroger Why Don't You and I_

He made her feel so special, he always did since the first day they met.

_Since the moment I spotted you,  
>Like walking around with little wings on my shoes,<br>My stomach's filled with the butterflies, _

It was hard to believe that even after 7-years, 7-long-years full of both love and sexual-tension, that she still got butterflies when they talked. No one had ever had that affect on her before, no one.

He was like a drug, addicting, but it gave her a different kind of high.

_Bouncing round from cloud to cloud,  
>I'd got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down,<em>

Honestly, she never wanted to come down, it was like nothing she ever experienced before, like nothing she felt before. If the world ended today, she was satisfied that she had enough. Not that she didn't want more, crave for more...

_Every-time I try to talk to you,  
>I get tongue-tied, <em>

She says things that she had never said to anyone else, he brought out things in here she never knew existed. Not that she was complaining by any means, but it certainly took some getting used to. Never before had she verbally asked anyone to, "talk dirty to me," or "what are you going to do, spank me?" No those things had not crossed her lips, but he awoke a fire inside her, one that she never wanted to put out.

_It turns out that everything I say to you,  
>Comes out wrong and never comes out right.<em>

The Anyone hearing them carry on was sure to be shocked, she was far too outspoken with him which usually led to "foot in the mouth syndrome," or at least that is what she had called it. Most of the team didn't find it strange anymore, after 7-years they didn't pay attention, it was expected; it was the others, especially Strauss that found their relationship "odd and inappropriate," She felt that he problem was more jealousy than anything. Penelope could guarantee that no one else would ever feel like she did, they didn't have their own personal Derek Morgan. Thankfully there was only one, and he was her best friend, her lover her confidant. Well she loved him at least, and he seemed to love her as well, and things were finally progressing, or so it seemed.

There was one long, steamy kiss, a kiss that curled your toes and puts you right on the edge of ecstasy and left her wanting more.

"Ready to go, baby? he asked.

"Sure thing, handsome, "she smiled.

"Why don't you and I ...go back to my place."

"I thought you would never ask," she said following him out.


	16. Chapter 16

**`Kiss me beneath the milky twilight**

**Lead me out on the moonlit floor**

**Lift your open hand, strike up the band**

**And make the fireflies dance, silver moon sparkling**

**So kiss me**

~sixpence nonethericher

She looked so pitiful standing there, tears streaming down her face, alone, lonely and confused. Both her and Kevin had asked him to help them, he couldn't quite wrap his head around Kevin asking him for help, he had even recognized that he and Penelope had something. He referred to him as _her boo, and she his baby _girl the fact he even knew that surprised him. He wanted to keep his distance from the whole situation, he didn't want to be drawn into it and influence any decisions; but he couldn't abandon her too. His heart hurt at the site of her, he hated when she was sad, when she was hurting and this time it was big, he knew that. He wasn't sure want exactly went down, but by the look of her, it was not in her favor.

He fought with himself, he didn't know if he should go to her or just let her alone. The ache in his heart eventually won and he went to comfort her like he had so many times before. He couldn't leave her alone, there may be a time when he needsedher as much as she needed him right now.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly on the head, "hey, shhhh, baby you will be ok." She cried into his shirt. "Let it out, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm so sorry...I am so sorry," she kept crying.

She shook as she cried and he pulled her tighter. "Let me take you home," he said softly.

It was still moonlit when they walked to the truck, in spite of the obvious puffiness from the crying, she looked beautiful in the milky twilight. It was if he couldn't help himself, he lightly kissed her lips and then promptly pulled away.

"I'm so sorry baby girl."

She tipped her head and looked at him, "so...kiss me...I grant you permission."

Shocked, he didn't know what to do. He leaned in and kissed her again, just like she asked. It was magical, fireflies danced and the moon sparkled in the distance.

She broke from the kiss breathless. "Take me home," she smiled.

"That's my baby girl, are we going to your place or mine?"

She looked at him seductively, "That depends, what is it you intend to do?"

"Nothing you don't want to do, but as far as I am concerned, the options are limitless," he grinned.

"Well in that case, we better go to your place, Kevin still has a key to mine."

With that he drove to his place, there were butterflies in his chest, he felt like he was dancing on air, he was certain that if his was what love felt like, he never wanted it to end.


	17. Chapter 17

**I hurt myself today**

**To see I still feel**

**I focused on the pain**

The only thing that's real

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was a failure - it was true. Everything she ever tried to do she failed at. Walking away was a necessity, she knew that, but she missed the status more than anything. She missed being a "plus one" when she was asked to functions, now she was back to her lonely self.

Her heart hurt, not because she was missing him, but because she was alone, the one thing she was scared of. Letting her true feelings out instead of being masked in the relationship status she carried around.

She hurt and was scared to call the one person who could fix it, the one she truly loved.


End file.
